This one isn't coming from a journal. It's just something new I have rolling around in my head and would like to let out.
~K
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She didn't know when it started. There was not a day that she could point to on a calendar and say, "Yes, that was the day I knew." No, it happened slowly and over time. One year he was the new guy in middle school, the next year they had mutual friends, the next year they were friends, the next year they were close friends. At least she believed there was a mutual understanding that they were close friends, he wasn't the kind of guy you asked.
No one ever just walked up to Chase and said, "Hey dude - wanna be friends?" No, that didn't happen. If you were Chase's friend, you just kind of knew it. He found ways to let you know you were part of the group. It was in the ways he'd say "hi" when he saw you at the same party or the way he'd nod at you from across the room. You never had to ask Chase if he was your friend - he either was or he wasn't.
She couldn't think of a single person he wasn't friends with though. Everyone liked him. Sure they'd disagree with him from time to time. They might even fight. But Chase never lost his cool, and even those who fought with him held him in high regard. He seemed to be the one guy that everyone would listen to -- a natural leader.
Eventually time placed them in the same classes, even though he was a year her senior. It would seem they had similar interests in electives and she was an entire grade level ahead in mathematics and sciences. This was when the great fall began, coinciding neatly with the two of them becoming what Clair would call "close friends" in Algebra. Close friends to Chase seemed to mean bumming Clair's notes and insisting on being her partner during group projects. She usually did more than her share, but Chase was no slacker and seemed to appreciate her intelligence... or the challenge keeping up with her presented.
It shouldn't have come as a surprise when Clair realized she loved him, but it did. Chase had grown on her while she wasn't paying attention until... something... had made him a staple of her daily life. It had become her custom to seek confirmation of his existence at least once a day and having seen him, she could carry on unencumbered for the remainder of the day. On the few days when the acknowledgement was mutual, one smile or nod from him made her feel like she could fly.
This was all marvelous when he was around, but he was a busy lad. Though clever in his own respect, Chase was never the diligent scholar that Clair was prized for being. Some days he skipped classes. Those were the days when she began to realize how much she was noticing him... on those days when he was nowhere to be noticed.
She'd ask their friends about him on those days, like an accountability partner, then shrug off their answers to seem less observant. Apparently it worked, no one seemed suspicious of her questioning. It was only Clair making conversation. Other times she'd note his absence only to herself and transform into some type of quiet, highly-functioning despondent. When their friends noticed her on those days she'd just chalk it up to not feeling well, and that was partially true. She became less and less like herself when he wasn't around.
It felt like she had discovered love in it's absence from her.
But, that wasn't right. It couldn't be love. No. That was preposterous. Chase had a girlfriend and Clair wasn't that kind of girl. If he was happy with Julie, Clair couldn't interfere. She wouldn't. She refused to. But the strange feeling inside her remained, and Clair still looked for Chase... every single day. It was equal parts cruel and euphoric.
~K
-----
She didn't know when it started. There was not a day that she could point to on a calendar and say, "Yes, that was the day I knew." No, it happened slowly and over time. One year he was the new guy in middle school, the next year they had mutual friends, the next year they were friends, the next year they were close friends. At least she believed there was a mutual understanding that they were close friends, he wasn't the kind of guy you asked.
No one ever just walked up to Chase and said, "Hey dude - wanna be friends?" No, that didn't happen. If you were Chase's friend, you just kind of knew it. He found ways to let you know you were part of the group. It was in the ways he'd say "hi" when he saw you at the same party or the way he'd nod at you from across the room. You never had to ask Chase if he was your friend - he either was or he wasn't.
She couldn't think of a single person he wasn't friends with though. Everyone liked him. Sure they'd disagree with him from time to time. They might even fight. But Chase never lost his cool, and even those who fought with him held him in high regard. He seemed to be the one guy that everyone would listen to -- a natural leader.
Eventually time placed them in the same classes, even though he was a year her senior. It would seem they had similar interests in electives and she was an entire grade level ahead in mathematics and sciences. This was when the great fall began, coinciding neatly with the two of them becoming what Clair would call "close friends" in Algebra. Close friends to Chase seemed to mean bumming Clair's notes and insisting on being her partner during group projects. She usually did more than her share, but Chase was no slacker and seemed to appreciate her intelligence... or the challenge keeping up with her presented.
It shouldn't have come as a surprise when Clair realized she loved him, but it did. Chase had grown on her while she wasn't paying attention until... something... had made him a staple of her daily life. It had become her custom to seek confirmation of his existence at least once a day and having seen him, she could carry on unencumbered for the remainder of the day. On the few days when the acknowledgement was mutual, one smile or nod from him made her feel like she could fly.
This was all marvelous when he was around, but he was a busy lad. Though clever in his own respect, Chase was never the diligent scholar that Clair was prized for being. Some days he skipped classes. Those were the days when she began to realize how much she was noticing him... on those days when he was nowhere to be noticed.
She'd ask their friends about him on those days, like an accountability partner, then shrug off their answers to seem less observant. Apparently it worked, no one seemed suspicious of her questioning. It was only Clair making conversation. Other times she'd note his absence only to herself and transform into some type of quiet, highly-functioning despondent. When their friends noticed her on those days she'd just chalk it up to not feeling well, and that was partially true. She became less and less like herself when he wasn't around.
It felt like she had discovered love in it's absence from her.
But, that wasn't right. It couldn't be love. No. That was preposterous. Chase had a girlfriend and Clair wasn't that kind of girl. If he was happy with Julie, Clair couldn't interfere. She wouldn't. She refused to. But the strange feeling inside her remained, and Clair still looked for Chase... every single day. It was equal parts cruel and euphoric.
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