He sat there alone at the piano - his luscious dark hair fell around his handsome face like a curtain. His elegant fingers paused on top of the ivory keys. His broad, muscled shoulders had hunched over his back. He was deep in thought. She liked watching him this way. He was in his own space, in his own thoughts, completely unaffected by the world. She enjoyed watching him be himself while he thought no one was looking.
What is he thinking about? Emma wondered as she peeked into the studio through the tall, narrow window above the door handle. The air-conditioner kicked on and his head darted up like a gun had gone off right behind his back. She didn't have to see his face to know that his eyes were scanning the room - not afraid, but supremely distracted. Clearly he'd wanted to be left alone with his thoughts, so she hadn't made herself known. But he was so perceptive - to the point that he was extremely sensitive to his immediate environs. It seemed like one little move from her, one tiny noise, even from the other side of the door, would disturb him. Then he would stop and get up to check if anyone was there. That was the reason she was half-holding her breath right now. He'd already stopped playing and she was in a panic over whether or not she should move away from the door as quickly and quietly as possible. It was almost as though he already knew someone else was there watching him. She felt creepy just standing there, so she really didn't want him to catch her peeking and get angry.
True to form - he shook the air-conditioner distraction off quickly and retreated back into his solitude once again. Now playing... now scribbling something down... now playing again... now thinking... now playing... now writing. How was he so amazing?
Emma quickly moved to hide herself after watching Gavin stand up from the piano bench. She didn't dare stand there long enough to see him turn around and walk toward the door. She hastened into an adjacent, though dark, hallway and tried desperately to softly catch her breath once she heard the handle "click" open the studio door. Milliseconds felt like eternities before she peaked out from her hiding place, just in time to see the heel of his barefoot disappear up the stairwell and away from her.
Sensing she was finally alone, Emma tip-toed down the hallway to the studio door Gavin had just stepped out of, and did her best to re-open it as soundlessly as possible. Opening the door only as much as was necessary for her to squeeze through, she slid into the dark practice room. He must be done for the night, he'd already turned the studio lights off. Standing there in the silence, her hand still poised on the door handle, she waited until she felt it was a "safe"moment to turn the lights back on. Using the light through the door window, she managed to run her hand lightly up the soundproofed wall to slide the dimmer switch up - just enough for her to see by. Then she tip-toed over to the piano where he'd been sitting. The seat was still warm. Emma sat down on the hard, wooden bench in his place, and began to "touch-play" some of the scales she knew - thinking through them more than making "actual sounds."
C - D - E - F - G - A - B - C
C# - D# - E#/F - F# - G# - A# - B#/C - C#
D - E - F# - G - A - B - C# - D
She touched those keys over and over and over and over again, wanting to get it perfect every time. Of course she'd need to be able to play more than just scales well if she wanted to be as good as he was.
Suddenly, it was pitch black. She couldn't see her hands at all! She spun her head around to see if light was still coming through the narrow window on the door and still saw nothing. The light in the hallway had gone off too! Emma froze in panic as her mind raced through a million scenarios.
Had the power gone out?
Had a bad storm just started outside?
Had the evening janitor come in to lock up and just hadn't noticed her during his room sweep?
Was it really that late already?
Had a thief broken in before the doors had been locked?
Had *Emma swallowed hard* he doubled-back?
"Stop looking for the notes," a voice rumbled like soft thunder through the darkness. Oh no - he had turned around! "Find the key you played the last scale in. Feel where it is, use your fingers. You are letting your eyes distract your ears."
Emma did as he instructed.
"Did you find it? Do you know exactly where it is without playing it? Would you know exactly where it was if you were blind?"
"Y-y-y-es?" Emma answered, listening for his next instruction, trying to calm her heartbeat.
"You don't sound convinced." Was he getting closer? Or just talking louder? His hands touched the back of her shoulders. Definitely closer. "Prove it." The breath from his voice tickled the back of her ear as his hands slid over the tops of her arms, over her hands, then covered her fingers. "Play the key for what you have your thumb on right now."
Emma closed her eyes, she couldn't see in the dark anyway, and began to play the scale she'd just finished. The light pressure of Gavin's fingers on top of hers made her more certain and more nervous at the same time.
"Stop," his pulling voice commanded gently. "Did I say play the scale?"
"Nnno?" Emma was baffled.
"No, I said to play the key, the 1-3-5." He pressed his own fingers into hers and the key rang out in the dark.
"Hear that? Listen to it. Listen to the harmonics, the way the hammers thump the strings, the way the strings resonate." He released her hands. "That was the key. Now you play it."
Without his guiding hands pushing her fingers, she pressed the notes. The sound was barely audible.
"You can't be afraid of it." He whispered in the darkness behind the back of her ear. Dejected, she pulled her hands off the keyboard. He sat down behind her, re-positioning his own hands where hers had been on the piano keys, and began to create variations of his last rehearsal song, in the key she'd just played, on the spot. He was so talented.
With her eyes still closed, Emma sat there and listened. She wasn't able to see anything since he'd turned all the lights off. But Gavin was playing all of this, masterfully, in the same pitch blackness that she was listening in.
She relaxed a little bit, letting the music ease her guard down. His chest moving against her back never changed - taut and strong - moving rhythmically with his arms, all around her.
For a moment, she was being allowed to be a part of his world.
For a moment, she was being allowed to be the center of it.
It was a beautiful feeling.
-----
He could smell her hair. It smelt fresh and clean - like her. If only he could get her to relax - just a bit more. He wanted to know what she was like when she wasn't on edge. He wanted to know what she was like when she was being playful.
He wanted to see her smile - just one time - just for him.
He couldn't see it here, but at least in the dark she would let him touch her.
So he did.
He surrounded her.
He wanted her to breathe him in, the way he was breathing in the scent of her hair. The smile could wait, the smile could come later. Right now, in this moment, he had her in his arms, and that was just fine.
Gavin didn't mind that Emma couldn't play piano as well as he could. In fact, he never expected her to be able to. Save a savant few, there weren't many with the ability to immediately match his skill level. His brother could, but he'd been teaching his younger brother to play piano since Gavin had been old enough to take lessons himself. Gavin had always had a number of natural advantages musically - long fingers, rhythmic musicality from learning to drum first, and the fact that he considered playing the piano to be therapeutic. The emotion though, was more difficult to cultivate. It was one thing to sit down to a piano and bang out some stress-relief, it was quite another to share expression and effect emotions through the instrument. He'd spent years at that task, trying to hone his skill and style.
That was why Emma baffled him so much. She had her own natural advantages. He already knew what a terrific listener she was! Emma seemed to have a natural sense for emotion too. She just understood it. She understood his style - almost better than he did. They'd only recorded together a handful of times, and in that short collaboration, she'd already been more help to him than she probably realized.
Her critiques had been questions. "How did you want this to sound?"
Her critiques answered her questions. "Because you are making it sound like this."
She often told him exactly what he needed to know before he'd even taken the time to ask.
She could hear when things were forced.
She could hear when things were strained.
She could hear when he was tired.
He knew she could hear it, because she would tell him. She'd kept him from passing out at the piano countless times because she'd tell him he was thinking too hard and needed a nap.
He was beginning to depend very heavily on her; not because she was keeping him sounding good, but because she was - in her own way - showing him how much better he could be. He noticed himself changing for the better - musically, emotionally, physically - just because she could hear and interpret his intent. It was as though he'd spent years training his hands to play what she'd spent years training her ears to hear. They just fit each other. She'd made herself nearly irreplaceable in the short time since she'd arrived. She was smart - plain and simple. No one else had been able to do what she'd come in and done. When he stopped to think about it, it stunned him. She stunned him.
That was completely unexpected. Gavin was used to being top banana in the shock department. But, Emma was such a surprise - a surprise brilliantly hidden in her sweet, quiet demeanor. She was like a matryoshka doll - and her centermost part was made of pure gold to him.
No. Not gold. Something more precious and valuable than gold - that was what she had at her core - something divine, and Gavin had let it enchant him. Oh Emma could learn to play piano masterfully- no doubt. She just needed a little bit of time, patience, and to learn to trust herself the way Gavin already trusted her.
-----
He stopped, pulling his hands away from the keys. Emma knew he wasn't done. The music in this man never ended.
He lived it.
He breathed it.
He commanded it.
He was so skilled that she'd originally hesitated critiquing him. He had every right to disagree with her opinions of his playing, and all of the experience to back it up. But, all he'd ever done was silently listen - then nod - then play it again like she'd asked. Clearly he'd do things his own way, no matter what she thought, but he hardly ever did. Instead, he was just miraculous. If she'd have asked him to play a rainstorm, he could've. She'd never met anyone with his skill before, and - more than jealous - she was curious. How was he able to do that? To play her heart the way he did? Over and over and over again, even when her moods changed and she felt like she was nagging him, all he did was nod - then play exactly what she'd told him she wanted to hear. He did it every single time. Flawlessly. She wanted to know how to do that.
"Are you still afraid of it?" He asked behind her right ear.
"No. Now I'm ashamed."
"Ashamed?! I don't understand that."
"I only wanted to watch... to practice... to become as good as you... so I could impress you... so that I might someday be considered on your level, an equal. I'm afraid you've walked in and caught me while I'm still very unimpressive - so I am ashamed."
"I never thought that way... I never thought that you were unimpressive. You've not been unimpressive. Did I do something to make you feel this way?"
"It's nothing you've done. I'm just lacking and I did not want you - of all people - to see me lacking."
"I do not see you as lacking, and I never have. But, if this..." he explained, replacing her hands on the keys, "is something you want to do now, please let me help you."
"And embarrass myself more?! I don't know if I have the courage to do that - to let you see me fail more than you obviously already do."
"Well, that is an easy fix. We'll always practice in the dark! That way I won't have to see anything!" He teased, then placed her hand on top of his, lining up their fingers. Emma could feel what he was doing, so she relaxed her fingers against the soft skin on the back of his hand. It felt strange when he began to play with her fingers piggybacking on his, but she quickly got a "feel" for what he was doing.
In the dark, she was touching the essence of who he was and he was letting her. Could she not be just as brave? Why not? She ached to know.
One thing was certain, she wanted his respect. She wanted to be his peer - to be on par. She wanted him to not feel so alone. She wanted with her whole heart to tell him, "You don't have to try so hard. I'm here now. I can pick up where you left off. Go rest. I can handle it. Let me help."
Gavin emitted loneliness the way the sun emitted light. It was the singular part of him that broke her heart. He deserved better. She wanted to be the better that he deserved, but she didn't feel that she was. In her thoughts, she naturally supposed that she probably wasn't even what he wanted. Tears formed in her eyes as she bowed her head, and for once in her life she was grateful for the darkness.
-----
She'd changed again. He'd felt it in her posture. She'd slouched. This was not the type of relaxation he wanted. "Don't get tired on me," he teased. Then he heard her sniffle. Was she crying? Why on earth was she crying? He stopped playing, not certain of what to do.
-----
"Why'd you stop?" She suddenly sounded concerned. Afraid that she'd been the cause of a mistake, she lifted her hands away from his.
-----
Thinking he'd intimidated her, Gavin grabbed her hands a placed them back on the keys. "Please don't give up." He whispered, moving his hands to the sides of her waist. "I'm right here behind you. If you give up now, I will feel like I've failed you."
"But I don't even know what to play!"
"You do scales. That's a start. Play the major scale of this note." Gavin let her go to hit one key at random, then moved his hands back to her waist. He felt her take a deep breath, then she played each of the keys - listening to each one in turn, searching for the one key he'd played. It was an E, he thought to himself. Find the E.
She found it and began to play the scale. She played it slowly, but with rhythmic precision and a full clear tone. What is she still worried about? Gavin thought to himself. She plays just fine.
-----
A mere scale could not compare with what he'd just played - Emma knew that. Emma knew that everything he played sounded better - she could hear it. She'd heard him out-play others dozens of times. She just didn't know if she'd ever be able to do things like that.
"Very good," Gavin squeezed her waist in pride. "Now play this one." He chose another note at random. It was an F.
She found the note and played its major scale a little bit faster.
"Already getting better, huh? First my little brother and now you. I'm going to have to watch my back!" He teased.
She felt a pang in her heart at his words, mainly because no one else could do what he could. No matter how badly they wanted to, no matter how good a teacher they had, he would always be better.
-----
What is he thinking about? Emma wondered as she peeked into the studio through the tall, narrow window above the door handle. The air-conditioner kicked on and his head darted up like a gun had gone off right behind his back. She didn't have to see his face to know that his eyes were scanning the room - not afraid, but supremely distracted. Clearly he'd wanted to be left alone with his thoughts, so she hadn't made herself known. But he was so perceptive - to the point that he was extremely sensitive to his immediate environs. It seemed like one little move from her, one tiny noise, even from the other side of the door, would disturb him. Then he would stop and get up to check if anyone was there. That was the reason she was half-holding her breath right now. He'd already stopped playing and she was in a panic over whether or not she should move away from the door as quickly and quietly as possible. It was almost as though he already knew someone else was there watching him. She felt creepy just standing there, so she really didn't want him to catch her peeking and get angry.
True to form - he shook the air-conditioner distraction off quickly and retreated back into his solitude once again. Now playing... now scribbling something down... now playing again... now thinking... now playing... now writing. How was he so amazing?
Emma quickly moved to hide herself after watching Gavin stand up from the piano bench. She didn't dare stand there long enough to see him turn around and walk toward the door. She hastened into an adjacent, though dark, hallway and tried desperately to softly catch her breath once she heard the handle "click" open the studio door. Milliseconds felt like eternities before she peaked out from her hiding place, just in time to see the heel of his barefoot disappear up the stairwell and away from her.
Sensing she was finally alone, Emma tip-toed down the hallway to the studio door Gavin had just stepped out of, and did her best to re-open it as soundlessly as possible. Opening the door only as much as was necessary for her to squeeze through, she slid into the dark practice room. He must be done for the night, he'd already turned the studio lights off. Standing there in the silence, her hand still poised on the door handle, she waited until she felt it was a "safe"moment to turn the lights back on. Using the light through the door window, she managed to run her hand lightly up the soundproofed wall to slide the dimmer switch up - just enough for her to see by. Then she tip-toed over to the piano where he'd been sitting. The seat was still warm. Emma sat down on the hard, wooden bench in his place, and began to "touch-play" some of the scales she knew - thinking through them more than making "actual sounds."
C - D - E - F - G - A - B - C
C# - D# - E#/F - F# - G# - A# - B#/C - C#
D - E - F# - G - A - B - C# - D
She touched those keys over and over and over and over again, wanting to get it perfect every time. Of course she'd need to be able to play more than just scales well if she wanted to be as good as he was.
Suddenly, it was pitch black. She couldn't see her hands at all! She spun her head around to see if light was still coming through the narrow window on the door and still saw nothing. The light in the hallway had gone off too! Emma froze in panic as her mind raced through a million scenarios.
Had the power gone out?
Had a bad storm just started outside?
Had the evening janitor come in to lock up and just hadn't noticed her during his room sweep?
Was it really that late already?
Had a thief broken in before the doors had been locked?
Had *Emma swallowed hard* he doubled-back?
"Stop looking for the notes," a voice rumbled like soft thunder through the darkness. Oh no - he had turned around! "Find the key you played the last scale in. Feel where it is, use your fingers. You are letting your eyes distract your ears."
Emma did as he instructed.
"Did you find it? Do you know exactly where it is without playing it? Would you know exactly where it was if you were blind?"
"Y-y-y-es?" Emma answered, listening for his next instruction, trying to calm her heartbeat.
"You don't sound convinced." Was he getting closer? Or just talking louder? His hands touched the back of her shoulders. Definitely closer. "Prove it." The breath from his voice tickled the back of her ear as his hands slid over the tops of her arms, over her hands, then covered her fingers. "Play the key for what you have your thumb on right now."
Emma closed her eyes, she couldn't see in the dark anyway, and began to play the scale she'd just finished. The light pressure of Gavin's fingers on top of hers made her more certain and more nervous at the same time.
"Stop," his pulling voice commanded gently. "Did I say play the scale?"
"Nnno?" Emma was baffled.
"No, I said to play the key, the 1-3-5." He pressed his own fingers into hers and the key rang out in the dark.
"Hear that? Listen to it. Listen to the harmonics, the way the hammers thump the strings, the way the strings resonate." He released her hands. "That was the key. Now you play it."
Without his guiding hands pushing her fingers, she pressed the notes. The sound was barely audible.
"You can't be afraid of it." He whispered in the darkness behind the back of her ear. Dejected, she pulled her hands off the keyboard. He sat down behind her, re-positioning his own hands where hers had been on the piano keys, and began to create variations of his last rehearsal song, in the key she'd just played, on the spot. He was so talented.
With her eyes still closed, Emma sat there and listened. She wasn't able to see anything since he'd turned all the lights off. But Gavin was playing all of this, masterfully, in the same pitch blackness that she was listening in.
She relaxed a little bit, letting the music ease her guard down. His chest moving against her back never changed - taut and strong - moving rhythmically with his arms, all around her.
For a moment, she was being allowed to be a part of his world.
For a moment, she was being allowed to be the center of it.
It was a beautiful feeling.
-----
He could smell her hair. It smelt fresh and clean - like her. If only he could get her to relax - just a bit more. He wanted to know what she was like when she wasn't on edge. He wanted to know what she was like when she was being playful.
He wanted to see her smile - just one time - just for him.
He couldn't see it here, but at least in the dark she would let him touch her.
So he did.
He surrounded her.
He wanted her to breathe him in, the way he was breathing in the scent of her hair. The smile could wait, the smile could come later. Right now, in this moment, he had her in his arms, and that was just fine.
Gavin didn't mind that Emma couldn't play piano as well as he could. In fact, he never expected her to be able to. Save a savant few, there weren't many with the ability to immediately match his skill level. His brother could, but he'd been teaching his younger brother to play piano since Gavin had been old enough to take lessons himself. Gavin had always had a number of natural advantages musically - long fingers, rhythmic musicality from learning to drum first, and the fact that he considered playing the piano to be therapeutic. The emotion though, was more difficult to cultivate. It was one thing to sit down to a piano and bang out some stress-relief, it was quite another to share expression and effect emotions through the instrument. He'd spent years at that task, trying to hone his skill and style.
That was why Emma baffled him so much. She had her own natural advantages. He already knew what a terrific listener she was! Emma seemed to have a natural sense for emotion too. She just understood it. She understood his style - almost better than he did. They'd only recorded together a handful of times, and in that short collaboration, she'd already been more help to him than she probably realized.
Her critiques had been questions. "How did you want this to sound?"
Her critiques answered her questions. "Because you are making it sound like this."
She often told him exactly what he needed to know before he'd even taken the time to ask.
She could hear when things were forced.
She could hear when things were strained.
She could hear when he was tired.
He knew she could hear it, because she would tell him. She'd kept him from passing out at the piano countless times because she'd tell him he was thinking too hard and needed a nap.
He was beginning to depend very heavily on her; not because she was keeping him sounding good, but because she was - in her own way - showing him how much better he could be. He noticed himself changing for the better - musically, emotionally, physically - just because she could hear and interpret his intent. It was as though he'd spent years training his hands to play what she'd spent years training her ears to hear. They just fit each other. She'd made herself nearly irreplaceable in the short time since she'd arrived. She was smart - plain and simple. No one else had been able to do what she'd come in and done. When he stopped to think about it, it stunned him. She stunned him.
That was completely unexpected. Gavin was used to being top banana in the shock department. But, Emma was such a surprise - a surprise brilliantly hidden in her sweet, quiet demeanor. She was like a matryoshka doll - and her centermost part was made of pure gold to him.
No. Not gold. Something more precious and valuable than gold - that was what she had at her core - something divine, and Gavin had let it enchant him. Oh Emma could learn to play piano masterfully- no doubt. She just needed a little bit of time, patience, and to learn to trust herself the way Gavin already trusted her.
-----
He stopped, pulling his hands away from the keys. Emma knew he wasn't done. The music in this man never ended.
He lived it.
He breathed it.
He commanded it.
He was so skilled that she'd originally hesitated critiquing him. He had every right to disagree with her opinions of his playing, and all of the experience to back it up. But, all he'd ever done was silently listen - then nod - then play it again like she'd asked. Clearly he'd do things his own way, no matter what she thought, but he hardly ever did. Instead, he was just miraculous. If she'd have asked him to play a rainstorm, he could've. She'd never met anyone with his skill before, and - more than jealous - she was curious. How was he able to do that? To play her heart the way he did? Over and over and over again, even when her moods changed and she felt like she was nagging him, all he did was nod - then play exactly what she'd told him she wanted to hear. He did it every single time. Flawlessly. She wanted to know how to do that.
"Are you still afraid of it?" He asked behind her right ear.
"No. Now I'm ashamed."
"Ashamed?! I don't understand that."
"I only wanted to watch... to practice... to become as good as you... so I could impress you... so that I might someday be considered on your level, an equal. I'm afraid you've walked in and caught me while I'm still very unimpressive - so I am ashamed."
"I never thought that way... I never thought that you were unimpressive. You've not been unimpressive. Did I do something to make you feel this way?"
"It's nothing you've done. I'm just lacking and I did not want you - of all people - to see me lacking."
"I do not see you as lacking, and I never have. But, if this..." he explained, replacing her hands on the keys, "is something you want to do now, please let me help you."
"And embarrass myself more?! I don't know if I have the courage to do that - to let you see me fail more than you obviously already do."
"Well, that is an easy fix. We'll always practice in the dark! That way I won't have to see anything!" He teased, then placed her hand on top of his, lining up their fingers. Emma could feel what he was doing, so she relaxed her fingers against the soft skin on the back of his hand. It felt strange when he began to play with her fingers piggybacking on his, but she quickly got a "feel" for what he was doing.
In the dark, she was touching the essence of who he was and he was letting her. Could she not be just as brave? Why not? She ached to know.
One thing was certain, she wanted his respect. She wanted to be his peer - to be on par. She wanted him to not feel so alone. She wanted with her whole heart to tell him, "You don't have to try so hard. I'm here now. I can pick up where you left off. Go rest. I can handle it. Let me help."
Gavin emitted loneliness the way the sun emitted light. It was the singular part of him that broke her heart. He deserved better. She wanted to be the better that he deserved, but she didn't feel that she was. In her thoughts, she naturally supposed that she probably wasn't even what he wanted. Tears formed in her eyes as she bowed her head, and for once in her life she was grateful for the darkness.
-----
She'd changed again. He'd felt it in her posture. She'd slouched. This was not the type of relaxation he wanted. "Don't get tired on me," he teased. Then he heard her sniffle. Was she crying? Why on earth was she crying? He stopped playing, not certain of what to do.
-----
"Why'd you stop?" She suddenly sounded concerned. Afraid that she'd been the cause of a mistake, she lifted her hands away from his.
-----
Thinking he'd intimidated her, Gavin grabbed her hands a placed them back on the keys. "Please don't give up." He whispered, moving his hands to the sides of her waist. "I'm right here behind you. If you give up now, I will feel like I've failed you."
"But I don't even know what to play!"
"You do scales. That's a start. Play the major scale of this note." Gavin let her go to hit one key at random, then moved his hands back to her waist. He felt her take a deep breath, then she played each of the keys - listening to each one in turn, searching for the one key he'd played. It was an E, he thought to himself. Find the E.
She found it and began to play the scale. She played it slowly, but with rhythmic precision and a full clear tone. What is she still worried about? Gavin thought to himself. She plays just fine.
-----
A mere scale could not compare with what he'd just played - Emma knew that. Emma knew that everything he played sounded better - she could hear it. She'd heard him out-play others dozens of times. She just didn't know if she'd ever be able to do things like that.
"Very good," Gavin squeezed her waist in pride. "Now play this one." He chose another note at random. It was an F.
She found the note and played its major scale a little bit faster.
"Already getting better, huh? First my little brother and now you. I'm going to have to watch my back!" He teased.
She felt a pang in her heart at his words, mainly because no one else could do what he could. No matter how badly they wanted to, no matter how good a teacher they had, he would always be better.
-----
