This was originally handwritten on April 27, 2014
~K
-----
She'd left with little more than the clothing on her back and some money in small bills. She'd need to be rid of all those things, and soon, if she'd want to postpone the inevitable confrontation with Evan. She knew it was coming, but she didn't know were or when it would occur. He would be relentless in his search for her though -- that much she knew better than to question. She was surprised that he'd hung back as long as he had. She'd half expected him to go running through the field after her. Maybe the shock of what she'd told him had stunned him, perhaps he'd just let her go thinking she was crazy. Maybe it would be better if she was crazy. Either way, good. As long as it kept Evan at bay - so much the better. Any space she could get between them was only to the benefit of them both.
A way down the road, she had the good fortune of encountering a dusty bus. She paid for the trip to "anywhere" and when the doors shut behind her so did the only life she'd ever known. There was another woman about her size on the bus, sitting in the back in rags. Siobhan approached her, introduced herself, and asked the woman where she was headed and if she wouldn't mind trading clothes. The woman claimed to be going home after finishing up her domestic duties at a local manse. She smelled strongly of ammonia and Siobhan was hopeful that this woman's rags would mask her own pheromones effectively enough to delay Evan's pursuit further.
The woman was overjoyed at the opportunity to exchange clothes. She said she hadn't had a new dress of her own in years and even though Siobhan's would be second-hand, it was high quality and it smelled of fresh wind and wildflowers. Bonnie swallowed a sob and chided herself internally for getting maudlin over a material thing like her favorite dress and the two women proceeded to to exchange every article of clothing they owned -- down to the shoes -- as inconspicuously as possible.
The new clothes fit Siobhan awkwardly -- tight in some places, loose in others. The chemical scent was coming off of them in waves, intense to the point of revulsion -- perfect. With one final look at how happy the woman seemed to have a new dress, she bid her new friend safe travels and found a different seat on the sparsely populated bus. After a few more stops, she disembarked quietly to avoid arousing suspicion. Hoping no one saw her leave, Siobhan made her way out of town on foot. She was already exhausted, but she knew there was no time to rest. She had to completely disappear. No trace whatsoever could be left behind before she would be able to truly relax.
There was a forest just to the side of the tenement apartments across the street from the bus stop. She'd go there first. With any luck there would be a spring of water and she could travel on and continue to mask her scent simultaneously. If not, perhaps there was a tree she could sleep in. Well, not "sleep"... sleep was too dangerous. And maybe rest her eyes for a few hours? She knew she needed the sleep, but she dreaded the dreaming and the uncertainty of waking up. Waking up -- even in discomfort -- from those dreams is still far better than not waking up from them at all. She reminded herself. With those thoughts as motivation, Siobhan trudged on toward the shadows and trees. Leave nothing behind... leave nothing behind... leave nothing behind...
###
Evan didn't stop to rest. He began grabbing things as he came through the door. Right now his Siobhan was out there, on her own, and it took every ounce of his (not inconsiderable) patience to completely forgo packing and just set out for her immediately. Why did he need her so badly? Why did she need to be by his side? He couldn't understand it. He only had questions, no answers. Could he genuinely love her that much? That she had become his only need? He fell onto his couch and began to remember the times they'd spent together. He remembered what it felt like to hold her -- to be held by her. He remembered the silken touch of her flawless skin. He remembered the radiance that flashed in her eyes whenever she smiled. He swore as he breathed a deep sigh, he still smelled her. Her scent lingered in his nose the way her touch lingered against his skin, the way her laughter bubbled up like a fountain in his ears. Had she even been real? Or had he just imagined her?
No. She was real -- she had to be. He remembered the one time he'd convinced her to take photographs with him at a fair photo booth. She'd been reluctant because she claimed she didn't like having her picture taken, but she finally acquiesced when he began pleading.
"Alright!" She'd said. "one time... and only on the condition that you're with me."
They'd laughed and jumped into the booth together. She'd sat down in his lap, blushing for the first one. He'd kissed her cheek in the second. They'd side-hugged each other in the third, then turned to face one another -- nose to nose and smiling -- in the fourth. They'd sat still for a moment after that , foreheads together, eyes closed, noses grazing... in an instant their moment took a somber turn. There was an acknowledgement of their intimacy in this solitude. Neither of them denied it. In that moment, they'd allowed themselves to be vulnerable with each other. No reservations, no inhibitions, no teasing -- just the two of them... being... being wholly themselves... together. The flash for the fifth photo caught both of them off-guard, they thought their dollar had only paid for four photos. Apparently the machine had a glitch that made it take five photos and put the last one on its own page. He'd kept the fifth one, giving Siobhan the others. He said that was because he didn't want her to have the "messed up" one. She'd never questioned that, but if she had he'd have told her honestly that the surprise fifth picture was his favorite. It was the one that had made all the awkwardness of the other four worthwhile.
Evan pulled out his wallet. Right there in the first of the photo sleeves was the only photo he had. It was that fifth photo of himself and Siobhan. Granted, it was only of the side of her face, but it was confirmation. She was real. He had held her in his arms, against his palms, felt her gentle breath against his face. This picture was all the proof he needed to cement that she had not been a dream. Siobhan was real, and he was going to find her... no matter what it took. They belonged together.
###
Siobhan had never spent a single night in her entire life without a roof over her head. She'd felt cold, hungry, alone, and uncertain -- maybe even afraid, but never without shelter. The forest wasn't like she thought it would be. She'd always imagined sweet little creatures would come out, sniff at her a little, and maybe feel some sympathy, but no. She was finding the forest to be much wilder than she'd supposed. This was not a fairy tale -- it was a part of her waking nightmare - a nightmare with no end in sight.
She was tired - but there was no bed of leaves here. Every step she took crushed foliage where she dreaded a snake might be. Every hoot and howl kept her exhausted body in a heightened state of alertness. When she finally did find a tree she felt comfortable climbing, she hesitated, worried that it wouldn't be protection enough from the things on the ground, or from the things that would already be in its branches. Instead of climbing, she decided to to stay beside it for a few hours, spooked at a few unfamiliar (and threatening) sounds, and when her nerves couldn't stand it any longer -- she left. It probably wasn't a good idea to stop moving anyway. If Evan were here, he'd know exactly what to do.
She hated admitting that -- that she used to need him for so much. That hadn't been good for either one of them. He'd always had the onus of "saving her"... she'd never had to save herself before. It was difficult. She didn't know how (or why) he'd managed to do it over and over and over again. What would Evan do in this situation? No. She couldn't do those things - he'd find her for certain if she did those things. Leaving ashes from a fire, falling asleep in a tree, hunting for food -- he'd have done all of those tings by now. Silence was another thing he'd have been. Siobhan gave herself permission to grouse out loud. She allowed herself to feel some misery as she wrapped the strange woman's ammonia soaked clothing tighter around her cold body. She certainly hadn't thought this through well when she'd been back at the bus stop -- but she'd be furious with herself if she couldnt' do this one night on her own. She hated Evan in that moment: hated him for always doing things like this for her, but never teaching her to do them for herself. She hated herself for letting it happen. She talked aloud to the black trees, and the navy sky, even the blinking stars as she trudged along between the scraggly up-shoots of underbrush.
"Don't you dare come save me now, Evan!" She shook her fist and called to the darkness. "Not after I've come this far on my own! Don't you dare take this achievement away from me!"
Some part of her heart wanted to hear him jump out from something behind her and whisper, "I shouldn't dream of it. You're not even halfway in." Then he'd wiggle his eyebrows and breeze by her with that air of complete confidence. She'd hated that so much before, now she missed it. Here in the darkness, with no one to hear, she admitted it.
"I miss you so much, but don't you dare try to save me! I can do this! Hell, for all I know - I'm only 100 feet in, right? She smiled to herself at their old hiking joke. "It may only be 100 feet, but it's still 100 feet that farther than you thought I could go by myself!"
Then she admitted the truth to the nearest tree, "Shoot, it's 100 feet farther in than I thought I could go by myself."
Everything had begun to look the same. "Who am I kidding? I'm probably walking in circles."
Siobhan was so tired... so tired. She had no idea where she was, how far away he was, what would happen next... nothing. It scared her, but she was resolved. She was not going back.
That was when she remembered the moss.
~K
-----
She'd left with little more than the clothing on her back and some money in small bills. She'd need to be rid of all those things, and soon, if she'd want to postpone the inevitable confrontation with Evan. She knew it was coming, but she didn't know were or when it would occur. He would be relentless in his search for her though -- that much she knew better than to question. She was surprised that he'd hung back as long as he had. She'd half expected him to go running through the field after her. Maybe the shock of what she'd told him had stunned him, perhaps he'd just let her go thinking she was crazy. Maybe it would be better if she was crazy. Either way, good. As long as it kept Evan at bay - so much the better. Any space she could get between them was only to the benefit of them both.
A way down the road, she had the good fortune of encountering a dusty bus. She paid for the trip to "anywhere" and when the doors shut behind her so did the only life she'd ever known. There was another woman about her size on the bus, sitting in the back in rags. Siobhan approached her, introduced herself, and asked the woman where she was headed and if she wouldn't mind trading clothes. The woman claimed to be going home after finishing up her domestic duties at a local manse. She smelled strongly of ammonia and Siobhan was hopeful that this woman's rags would mask her own pheromones effectively enough to delay Evan's pursuit further.
The woman was overjoyed at the opportunity to exchange clothes. She said she hadn't had a new dress of her own in years and even though Siobhan's would be second-hand, it was high quality and it smelled of fresh wind and wildflowers. Bonnie swallowed a sob and chided herself internally for getting maudlin over a material thing like her favorite dress and the two women proceeded to to exchange every article of clothing they owned -- down to the shoes -- as inconspicuously as possible.
The new clothes fit Siobhan awkwardly -- tight in some places, loose in others. The chemical scent was coming off of them in waves, intense to the point of revulsion -- perfect. With one final look at how happy the woman seemed to have a new dress, she bid her new friend safe travels and found a different seat on the sparsely populated bus. After a few more stops, she disembarked quietly to avoid arousing suspicion. Hoping no one saw her leave, Siobhan made her way out of town on foot. She was already exhausted, but she knew there was no time to rest. She had to completely disappear. No trace whatsoever could be left behind before she would be able to truly relax.
There was a forest just to the side of the tenement apartments across the street from the bus stop. She'd go there first. With any luck there would be a spring of water and she could travel on and continue to mask her scent simultaneously. If not, perhaps there was a tree she could sleep in. Well, not "sleep"... sleep was too dangerous. And maybe rest her eyes for a few hours? She knew she needed the sleep, but she dreaded the dreaming and the uncertainty of waking up. Waking up -- even in discomfort -- from those dreams is still far better than not waking up from them at all. She reminded herself. With those thoughts as motivation, Siobhan trudged on toward the shadows and trees. Leave nothing behind... leave nothing behind... leave nothing behind...
###
Evan didn't stop to rest. He began grabbing things as he came through the door. Right now his Siobhan was out there, on her own, and it took every ounce of his (not inconsiderable) patience to completely forgo packing and just set out for her immediately. Why did he need her so badly? Why did she need to be by his side? He couldn't understand it. He only had questions, no answers. Could he genuinely love her that much? That she had become his only need? He fell onto his couch and began to remember the times they'd spent together. He remembered what it felt like to hold her -- to be held by her. He remembered the silken touch of her flawless skin. He remembered the radiance that flashed in her eyes whenever she smiled. He swore as he breathed a deep sigh, he still smelled her. Her scent lingered in his nose the way her touch lingered against his skin, the way her laughter bubbled up like a fountain in his ears. Had she even been real? Or had he just imagined her?
No. She was real -- she had to be. He remembered the one time he'd convinced her to take photographs with him at a fair photo booth. She'd been reluctant because she claimed she didn't like having her picture taken, but she finally acquiesced when he began pleading.
"Alright!" She'd said. "one time... and only on the condition that you're with me."
They'd laughed and jumped into the booth together. She'd sat down in his lap, blushing for the first one. He'd kissed her cheek in the second. They'd side-hugged each other in the third, then turned to face one another -- nose to nose and smiling -- in the fourth. They'd sat still for a moment after that , foreheads together, eyes closed, noses grazing... in an instant their moment took a somber turn. There was an acknowledgement of their intimacy in this solitude. Neither of them denied it. In that moment, they'd allowed themselves to be vulnerable with each other. No reservations, no inhibitions, no teasing -- just the two of them... being... being wholly themselves... together. The flash for the fifth photo caught both of them off-guard, they thought their dollar had only paid for four photos. Apparently the machine had a glitch that made it take five photos and put the last one on its own page. He'd kept the fifth one, giving Siobhan the others. He said that was because he didn't want her to have the "messed up" one. She'd never questioned that, but if she had he'd have told her honestly that the surprise fifth picture was his favorite. It was the one that had made all the awkwardness of the other four worthwhile.
Evan pulled out his wallet. Right there in the first of the photo sleeves was the only photo he had. It was that fifth photo of himself and Siobhan. Granted, it was only of the side of her face, but it was confirmation. She was real. He had held her in his arms, against his palms, felt her gentle breath against his face. This picture was all the proof he needed to cement that she had not been a dream. Siobhan was real, and he was going to find her... no matter what it took. They belonged together.
###
Siobhan had never spent a single night in her entire life without a roof over her head. She'd felt cold, hungry, alone, and uncertain -- maybe even afraid, but never without shelter. The forest wasn't like she thought it would be. She'd always imagined sweet little creatures would come out, sniff at her a little, and maybe feel some sympathy, but no. She was finding the forest to be much wilder than she'd supposed. This was not a fairy tale -- it was a part of her waking nightmare - a nightmare with no end in sight.
She was tired - but there was no bed of leaves here. Every step she took crushed foliage where she dreaded a snake might be. Every hoot and howl kept her exhausted body in a heightened state of alertness. When she finally did find a tree she felt comfortable climbing, she hesitated, worried that it wouldn't be protection enough from the things on the ground, or from the things that would already be in its branches. Instead of climbing, she decided to to stay beside it for a few hours, spooked at a few unfamiliar (and threatening) sounds, and when her nerves couldn't stand it any longer -- she left. It probably wasn't a good idea to stop moving anyway. If Evan were here, he'd know exactly what to do.
She hated admitting that -- that she used to need him for so much. That hadn't been good for either one of them. He'd always had the onus of "saving her"... she'd never had to save herself before. It was difficult. She didn't know how (or why) he'd managed to do it over and over and over again. What would Evan do in this situation? No. She couldn't do those things - he'd find her for certain if she did those things. Leaving ashes from a fire, falling asleep in a tree, hunting for food -- he'd have done all of those tings by now. Silence was another thing he'd have been. Siobhan gave herself permission to grouse out loud. She allowed herself to feel some misery as she wrapped the strange woman's ammonia soaked clothing tighter around her cold body. She certainly hadn't thought this through well when she'd been back at the bus stop -- but she'd be furious with herself if she couldnt' do this one night on her own. She hated Evan in that moment: hated him for always doing things like this for her, but never teaching her to do them for herself. She hated herself for letting it happen. She talked aloud to the black trees, and the navy sky, even the blinking stars as she trudged along between the scraggly up-shoots of underbrush.
"Don't you dare come save me now, Evan!" She shook her fist and called to the darkness. "Not after I've come this far on my own! Don't you dare take this achievement away from me!"
Some part of her heart wanted to hear him jump out from something behind her and whisper, "I shouldn't dream of it. You're not even halfway in." Then he'd wiggle his eyebrows and breeze by her with that air of complete confidence. She'd hated that so much before, now she missed it. Here in the darkness, with no one to hear, she admitted it.
"I miss you so much, but don't you dare try to save me! I can do this! Hell, for all I know - I'm only 100 feet in, right? She smiled to herself at their old hiking joke. "It may only be 100 feet, but it's still 100 feet that farther than you thought I could go by myself!"
Then she admitted the truth to the nearest tree, "Shoot, it's 100 feet farther in than I thought I could go by myself."
Everything had begun to look the same. "Who am I kidding? I'm probably walking in circles."
Siobhan was so tired... so tired. She had no idea where she was, how far away he was, what would happen next... nothing. It scared her, but she was resolved. She was not going back.
That was when she remembered the moss.
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